Tuesday, April 16, 2013


I have never wanted to run the Boston Marathon more in my life.  It was always a dream, but a far from reachable goal, considering I run pretty slow, and would actually have to commit to a strict running schedule.  I hope this realization is just what I needed to finally put the damn running shoes back on, and start feeling like my old self again.  The time has come, because I can still run today...you never know what the future holds.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

The 'C' Word

Disclaimer-  This is a TMI post.  if it bothers you to read about such private topics, please don't continue.  Don't think bad of me for sharing either, but sometimes a girl just has to vent.

It's a dirty word, the word I hate the most in life.


I have lived with the 'C' word for the better part of my life.  It sucks.  I used to be so embarrassed to even bring it up, but in doing so, I realized I am not alone.  After countless conversations with close friends, I came to the conclusion that it effects more people than I ever knew.  Here is my frustration, it's the way I eat.  The clean, whole food, plant based diet I eat should be enough to wipe that crap out of my digestive system faster than a Hollywood marriage.  But, no, I still struggle.

Here is the long list of things I have tried

Cut out Dairy
Cut out Gluten
Drink more water (I drink over 100 oz. water in a daily basis)
Eat more fiber rich foods (I currently log around 50-60 grams per day)
Cleanses *
Red wine (twist my arm)
Enemas *
Suppositories *
Senna Tea
Eating smaller meals
Chewing each bite of food 100 times
More fruit (apples, cherries, etc..)
Diuretics * (although I never do this often)
Drink Epsom Salt solutions *
Castor Oil *
Exercise more (running, cycling)
Colonic *
* and when it's been too long, when I can no longer sit, eat, or function, I will drink a saline solution that they give a patient before a colonoscopy. *

* Now before you look at this list, please keep in mind, some of these are used extremely sparingly.  I will not use anything frequently.  I know your body starts to rely on the overuse of these products.  They are a last resort for me after a week of suffering.  I will start with the least harmful one at a time, and make my way down the list until I have had success. *

It sounds drastic, right?  It sounds god damn ridiculous, if you ask me.  Don't tell me to eat spicy, greasy food either.  Been there, done that.  I just get the joys of a massive stomach ache, and still nothing happens.  I live with a man who goes more before he walks out the door to work everyday, than I can do in a week.  Frustrating!!

I have narrowed it down to one thing in my life, one thing that keeps nagging at me on a daily basis.  The one thing I have not been able to beat, in order to live a 100% healthy lifestyle.  It is Emotional Stress.  This chick just can't seem to let 'shit' go.  It's obvious.  This toxic behavior is effecting my health, and I need to work through it.  I am currently in the process of making some significant life changes, and I am certain once I do, I will be on the right path.  And when I do, you'll be damn Skippy that I will be able to wear this shirt every. single. day.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Healthy Heathen

Have you ever had a vision so profound, that it became your ultimate passion?  Have you ever stared at yourself in the mirror, and envisioned what it would take for you to finally break free of your personal barriers?  Have you ever wanted to make a change in the world, but had no idea how to even make a difference?  This is exactly what I have been working on for the last few years.  It was a hard decision for me, because for years I suffered from poor self-esteem, and never believed that I was worth pursuing my dreams.  I saw a person looking back at me who was fulfilling her goals, making herself a priority, and finally letting the person she knew was deep down inside, get her chance to live.

My lifetime dream is to help others along their journey of 'Health and Happiness'.  I have gone through training, studied over 100 dietary theories, and believe that everyone is unique in their needs, and I can tailor any program around finding what works best to assist them in their goals.  But most importantly, I have gone through this journey myself.  Please visit the 'My Story' tab above, or follow this link to read a more in depth description of my struggles.  I have launched my business, 'Healthy Heathen', and am here to assist and guide those who are READY to start believing in themselves, and putting their own self-worth as a top priority.

If you are looking for a change, a real honest change in yourself, then contact me for a free health consultation, and I can narrow down a program that fits YOU.  I am at the beginning stages of launching my business, so there are extra incentives to those who contact me early.

I think the biggest fear with change, is going through it alone.  The most profound differences happen when you take the first step.  Take those steps, let me be your guide, your cheerleader, and most of all, allow yourself to be a priority in your life.

Health and Happiness,
'Healthy Heathen' 

Monday, August 13, 2012


My life has been lacking something major lately.  It brings me down, and I need to get my goals and priorities in check.   I need to start running again.

I feel like I have been lazy when it comes to fitness.  I had come so far....and after the marathon last October, I crashed.  Total and utter burnout.  I put a lot of stress on myself last year.  I swore I would finish 11 BIG events, being 11 is my favorite number, and my birthday was on 11-11-11.  It had to be significant..... I had to be awesome.  What I did was put myself under so much stress, that I ended up with pneumonia, and altered training so much, that just finishing became my goal, and not enjoying the journey or accomplishments along the way.  After each race, I would take the medal, and place it in a drawer with my shirt, and close it and move on.  I never took pictures of them, or blogged, or rewarded myself.  I just moved on to the next thing like it was a 'chore'.  How screwed up is that?  What's the point in doing anything if you don't enjoy the victory.  The only possible exception to this is my first marathon, which I wrote an amazing heart felt blog about, that was complete with pictures and stories of each struggle mile by mile.  I cried when I read it, because it summed my experience up to a tee.  As I posted it....or so I thought, I accidently deleted it.  No idea how, no way to recover it.  I cried for about an hour, because more than I wanted to share it with everyone else, I wanted it in words so I would always look back on it with pride.  I was devasted, and didn't have it in me to start over, knowing it would never be the same.

I am not going to do that.  I am not going to be that extreme.  But in the end, I want to accomplish more.  I have amazing goals, and if I can just start, make a plan, and stick to it until it is habit, I have no doubt I will acheive them.  Becoming an 'athlete' has been my dream while I was overweight.  I watched my husband do it over and over, and dreamt about what it felt like to claim that victory.  I want to be a positive example for my children, run side by side with my husband, and start to be the person I always dreamed of being.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Days leading up........to the BIG DAY

The Marathon weekend came so fast.  I didn't feel ready, not where I wanted to be, but I was excited just knowing that no matter what happened, I would come home to Salt Lake as a 'Marathon Finisher'.

Friday, October 7th, 2011
We Have Arrived!!

The Sports and Fitness Expo

I was seriously so happy being at the expo just knowing that I was registered to complete the full marathon.  Not to cheer Gabe on as he ran his 14th Marathon (crazy bastard) or to pick up my race packet for the Half Marathon (still amazing in my opinion), but to get my bib number, timing chip, and schedule for pain to come with my man and biggest cheerleader by my side.

There we are.....
# 3460 and # 3461
<3 side by side <3

I was being goofy grabbing all the merchandise, deciding that I was going to pick something out I can always keep and wear for future training events.  Little did I know that they gave me not one, but two shirts just for running the event.....I think I would have gone with the hat had I known ahead of time :)

I am sure I spent way too much time at the expo, but it was kind of a surreal experience for me,
and I wanted to just live in the excitement for as long as I could

Whenever Gabriel has ran an out of state marathon, we always liked to drive the route and see what he was up against.  I decided there was no fucking way I wanted to spook myself anymore than I already was.  My feelings were it was enough to see a map, and a breakdown of the miles, and best leave the rest unknown.
Gabriel has ran this particular marathon before, and there was a certain hill I remember driving up and thinking to myself, "Ha....good luck with that!!"  One could only hope they changed the route ever so slightly to surpass that hill.....(no.such.luck.)

Later that night, we were lucky enough to get to meet Gabe's Uncle Marc, Aunt Becky, Cousin Scotty and his wife Lori for dinner.  It was so awesome to get to see family while we were in town and catch up. 
After dinner we went to the famous VooDoo Doughnuts. 
They had a whole shelf of vegan options!!  Of course they did, this is Portland, but still, I was excited. :)

I went with this guy.....It wasn't long before he was missing one of those cute little arms ;)
(It's the only part of him I ended up eating.......
I have a hard time over indulging in shit that was a past weakness.)

Saturday, October 8th, 2011
The Day Before the Marathon
 This is the day I needed a constant distraction. 
I was so excited, but so worried about the next day.
I needed to 'carb' up, which I am horrible at, and wanted to just have fun with Gabe
and be in the moment as we created this experience together.

Being Vegan in Portland is more than easy, it's AMAZING.  With so many choices, and places to go, I had a hard time deciding which to start with.  My friend Stephanie highly recommended Prasad, so we headed there first.  They had oatmeal on the menu, and since it is what I have for breakfast pretty much every morning, I couldn't resist.  God, it was fantastic.  Figs, Currents, Pure Maple Syrup, Coconut Milk, Brazil Nuts and Fresh Fruit.  I am going to be recreating this one at home many times in the future.
After breakfast, Gabe and I headed over to the Rose Gardens to play.  The day was beautiful, so not to be cliche, we stopped to smell the roses.(ba-bum-bum-chhhhh)  We seriously acted so goofy while there, like always, that the crowd of serious rose loving folks gave us more than one raised eyebrow. WIN!!

I think the picture of Gabe would have worked better if it looked
like the water was jetting out of his ass.

Seriously, where is Gabe's leg??  He is going to have to hop the whole 26.2 miles tomorrow.

His very sad attempt and 'planking'. 
He even text our daughter, Addie to get instructions.

Ahhhhh, we nub each other

A guy walked by us after I took this picture, and said it was so tender.
I agree.....shadows holding hands = tender.

After the Rose Garden we hit Blossoming Lotus, another vegan restaurant.
Seriously, poor Gabe, right??  I think this may be his first experience of running a marathon and not eating Krispie Creams and drinking Red Bulls before.  He is a Saint to follow me on my foodie quest.

I had the Raw Taco Salad, which was amazing, but I think a poor choice of a high carb meal.  Lesson learned.  I always have entree envy, and as soon as Gabe's bowl of Rice, Beans, and whatever else was in it was delivered, I immediately started having the pouty face.  He offered to switch, but I let him have it.  Not that mine was the least bit amazing, just like I said, not a lot of carbs.  It's odd too, almost like I self sabotaged that, I mean, I eat carbs, believe me, but for some reason, I totally failed at carbo loading the day before the marathon.  Will it bite me in the ass the next day??  We will see.......

After lunch we went to the Grotto.  Its a beautiful garden with a church and biblical statues all around. 
We tried our best to behave, and only let a little silliness escape.

Like I said.....only a 'little' silliness escaped. :)

We went home after a quick (are they ever really 'quick') trip to Whole Foods for some things to munch on, and get ready for the next day.


Friday, August 12, 2011

Telling FAIL to FUCK OFF

I have been struggling so much with failure lately.  I feel like I have failed at so many things, that for the past 2 months, I have let it consume me.  I believe this has so much to do with the constant self-esteem battle I face, and I just don't always know how to give myself a break
The demon that is dominating my thoughts so much is the Marathon. 

The marathon, is my ultimate goal of victory.  I blogged about it, I have done months of research trying to find the best fit for me, I have made travel arrangements, downloaded training plans, scheduled every run in a planner from now until race day.  This is by far the biggest challenge I have taken on, and yet....I feel I have failed.  Well, I am not going to let myself fail.  I may have to change my thinking, I may have to realize that my goal of finishing this beast strong, will still be that, it may just be slower than what I wanted.  I said myself, that I will finish this marathon, even if it means crawling to the finish line, and I am prepared to do just that.  I remember being at Roller Derby one night, and I heard a bit of advice from another kick ass derby girl, Gina, and she said, "We are not failing if we show up, as long as we are trying, we don't fail."  Wow.  It seems so simple, and I need to believe that it is just that.  Trying is succeeding.  I do not fail if my mileage is slowing down, I do not fail if I didn't run as far as I needed to, but I do fail if I give up.  I'm not going to give up.  I am going to give myself permission to succeed, and furthermore, be happy and content with the outcome, as long as I show up.

I can make excuses, and they are real.  A son in the hospital, getting pneumonia so bad that after 2 months I have just finished yet another round of antibiotics to clear it up, going to school full time, going to work full time, Mother to three kids, daughters graduating High School, then leaving soon for college....and coping with letting her go.  It's all there, I can make excuses all day.  But what does that get me?  An excuse to fail is what it gets me.  I wont let it. 

I am telling




Thursday, June 9, 2011

100 Miler......Will my crotch ever be the same?

As much as it looks like I am 'making love' to my bike, I am actually stretching out those legs before I sit my ass down on that rock hard seat for the next 6.5 hours, and pedal till I just can't pedal no mo'!

It was a beautiful day for a bike ride.  After Noah being in the hospital for 4 days, it was nice to be back outside, enjoying the fresh air, and knowing my little guy was going to be fine. 
I thought a lot about what he has been through, as I always do, but on this ride, I especially did.
Noah always motivates me to live life to its fullest. 
This was my second 100 mile bike ride of the year, and I still have 1 left to go in 3 weeks. 
I am feeling really behind in my marathon training,
but I hope to god the torture I do put my body through will benefit my running as well. 

Things went so kick ass during this ride.  I felt strong and confident.  I even had a fellow cyclist tell me she was trying to catch up with me for almost 5 miles because she wanted to tell me I had the most amazing calves ever.  Who me?  I have never been told anything like that before.  I did my best to accept the compliment, because my natural reaction to ANY compliment I get, is to knock it.  It made me reflect on the progress I have made in my physical life, and the kind words of that total stranger made me feel like a rock star.  Don't ask to see my calves.  I am sure they were all bulked up from pedaling, and they are most likely back to their normal looking selves. 

The worst time I had during this ride was miles 70-77.  I was somewhere in Idaho, and I swear to god it took me 2 hours.  My body was breaking down.  I was tired.  I needed to empty my bladder and stretch my legs, but I had no idea when the next rest stop was.  This was when I hit the wall, and had to talk myself through it.  I heard a lady yell, 'Your doing great, keep it up!" as she passed me.  All I could think was, "Really?  If I am doing so God Damn great, then why are you passing me?"  Another few miles past, and all I could see was a big ass hill on the horizon.  I started crying.  My body was stressed, my mind was fucked, and I was done.  I stopped looking up.  I looked down at my legs, focused on my breathing, and changed gears as I needed, without taking so much as a glance up at the hill.  I climbed that bad boy before I knew it, and my reward at the end was an outhouse and some Gatorade.  I got off my bike, stretched, pissed and drank.  Before I knew it, I had my ass back on that seat, and kept saying, 'I'm coming home' over and over in my head.  I felt good, I had renewed energy....something I thought for sure was gone miles ago.  I knew that I only had 23 miles left until I could claim the victory of kicking this bike ride right in the pie hole.  As I circled the route back, and saw so many ladies headed in the direction I had just came from, and, I really felt proud of myself.  I could have gotten off my bike when I was tired.  But I didn't.  I kept pedaling even when it felt like hell.  I am not going to give up.  I have come way to fucking far in my journey to ever think that I will be anything BUT amazing from this point forward.  Those last miles flew by like nothing, and the reward at the end was my daughter, who graduated from High School this week and is off to college in a few months.  I hugged her and cried, and thanked her for being there for me.  I needed to have her there at the finish line.  To know that even though she is getting older, and starting her own journey in life, she will always be the Grand Prize at the end for not giving up, even when things are tough.